I am still learning things about myself.

For today and its blessings, I owe the world an attitude of gratitude. -Clarence E. Hodges

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how to be a positive and grateful person. I think I often focus on the negative and dwell on my problems instead of focusing on the so many wonderful and positive things in my life. I want to be a more positive person because I really think happiness is just deciding to be happy. You make the decision to love your life. You make the decision to think you have the greatest kids, the best husband, the best life and when you think all these things they actually become true. Because most of the time they are but you just don't appreciate or realize it. I feel like I have been told this my whole life but it is finally hitting me. I think it all started back when I was growing up. I grew up very fortunate. I have two amazing parents who really love each other, love us kids and were very hands on parents. I have great brothers and a great sister, we always had our needs and most of our wants met and I honestly have not had many trials in my life. I had the kind of parents who came to sporting events, we had family dinner every night, we went on family vacations and we were very close and still are. Sometimes I felt guilty being so fortunate when many of my friends were not so lucky. While many of my friends were a good majority of them were not. Many came from broken homes or had absentee parents, others had money problems, some had trials in their life you wouldn't wish on anyone. They would always comment on how lucky I was and it made me feel bad that I was so lucky. I felt like I didn't deserve the "perfect" life I had. So I began subconsciously to almost make up problems or create problems thinking it would make them and myself feel better. I would also focus on the bad things in my family (because even great families have their problems) so when all my friends talked about their problems I would have things to talk about too. I am sure it didn't help them at all and all it did for me was teach me how to focus on the negative. At this point I don't think there is any reason for my negativity I just think it is habit. It trained me to dwell on the bad things in my life and I feel it still effects my attitude to this day. When Brad comes home from work I tell him all the bad things that happened during the day. I tell him about the time the girls were fighting instead of the other 85% of the time they were getting along perfectly. When I have a cold it is all I complain about and focus on when I should be grateful it is just a cold when there are so many other worse health problems I could be dealing with. No matter how well things are I will find something wrong. Even when things are not going well or I am having a hard time with something I am sure I make them harder by dwelling on them or just not focusing on what is going well. It is easy right now to focus on the uncertain future with the economy the way it is and the election coming up but what good does that do. I am ready for a change. All of that is the old Jenni because now I have decided to start being more positive, to focus on the good and find humor in all things. In just the few days I have thought about this and started counting my blessings and opening my eyes to look at the good things in my life I am noticing how blessed I am. I think that it is important to live that way. There is nothing wrong with being happy. Sometimes I think our culture tells us we are bragging, or not being honest with ourselves but that is really unfair. I think by not appreciating your blessings in life you are being ungrateful. The people I look up to the most are those who are always positive no matter what trials they may be enduring. It doesn't make problems go away but I am sure it helps you deal with them.
In this short time I have been trying to be more positive I have felt especially grateful for Brad as I have paid attention to the things he does for me. Yesterday he mowed the lawn, cleaned out the garage and helped me finish cleaning the house. Then while I ran to Target he made dinner and planned family home evening. He works so hard at work (60 hour weeks lately) and he still comes home willing to do whatever I ask of him. I am really lucky to have him and I feel bad that all too often I don't appreciate him for who he is and what he does. I also think being positive helps me be more patient with the girls, helps me realize how special they are, that they are truley gifts from God and it makes me grateful to be their mom.
Anyway, I felt like I had to put this change of attitude into writing so hopefully it will stick and help remind me of the changes I want to make. I think I may also start a weekly gratitude post with a gratitude quote to help me focus on the good.

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and nobile, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven. -Johannes A. Gaertner